To Be His Mom

It is a great joy and a great responsibility to mother a boy!  When I first had Parker, someone told me that I held the special privilege to be his first crush ... and I completely soaked in that joy!  Now ten years later .... our relationship is changing, still beautiful but changing.  I still get to experience that special love a mom and her son share ... I still get to cuddle in the morning ... I still get to answer his million questions ... I'm still the one he wants to love away his injuries and comfort him when he's sick ... but I see some things changing too. 
As I shared before .... my boy is becoming a pre-man (don't tell him I said that)  So, what does that mean for our relationship.  I've noticed him and I butting heads more often ...  I've noticed him trying his will more often with me than his dad ... I've noticed him arguing just for the sake of arguing with me.  Chris and I have been praying and talking a LOT on how to embrace but guide Parker through this change.  I've tried to look at Parker and my relationship in regards to the relationship he will one day have with his wife.  How is my son preparing to be a husband through our relationship?  I am his first crush which also means I am his first opportunity to learn to relate to, to respect and to lead a woman.  God is very clear that He created woman to be a helper to her husband.  Now, of course, Parker is not ready for the responsibility of having "a helper" since God has much more to say for the responsibility of a man to a woman ... but what it does mean is that Parker's innate response is not to submit to me, a woman,  but try his own way...  How many did I loose in that statement ... hang with me here ...  God did call men to protect, to lead, to provide, to love like Christ loved the church.  So, in my daily living with my pre-man ... my position with Parker is changing.  He needs to follow the rules in the home because by doing so, He is helping to make peace and order for his mom and siblings.  He needs to help with what I ask because that shows me love.  He needs to be respectful to me.  He needs to love me with his actions .... but he does not need to submit to me.  He needs opportunity to lead, he needs opportunity to try out his independence, he needs a little space to plant his roots.  There is a wonderful way to help him into the position of being a strong Christian man that will lead and provide for his family ... that will love his wife like Christ loved the church.  I have the huge responsibility to either help him into that role and preserve our relationship or I can hinder him in his growth and forever damage our relationship and the one he will one day have with his wife.

Some practical ways we are making this work in our home ...

Accountability ~ Although I make the daily schedule, school schedule and chore list, Parker is responsible to get his things done on his own.  Chris checks in by calling at lunch and following up after work to be sure Parker is on track.  Consequences for not accomplishing responsibilities have been set between Chris and Parker.  Chris has also set up a system for me to handle negative attitudes with out taking too much effort from me (remember #5 on the way).  If I feel like Parker is being disrespectful or any other negative attitude, he gets an "x" on the board, 5 "x's" and he goes to his room until his dad and him can talk ... very rarely to we get more than 3 "x's" now with this system, Parker is now catching himself before I can respond

"Man Time" ~  Chris and Parker take monthly "man trips" to strengthen their relationship, to discuss how things are going at home and to keep communication open for the "big stuff"

"Mom Dates" ~  Parker and I have regular dates - just fun, no corrections, a mom and her son hanging out, an opportunity for Parker to be "the man"

Share your thoughts .... any ideas to share of what you are doing to prepare your "pre-man"?  Anything I said not sitting right with you?