The Beauty of Sisterhood

Sisterhood .... I've always wanted a sister. Although I'll never have a biological sister, I celebrate the sisters I have in my friends. On Monday this week I had the blessing of experiencing sisterhood to its fullest. My dear friend was having a baby. She had given me the privilege to join her in here journey to bring her sweet baby into this world. I joyfully excepted knowing fully that this would not necessarily be an easy task remembering I have 5 little (and not so little) blessings of my own. Monday morning comes and I answer a phone call .... My friend, baby is coming today! Yeah, so exciting. Now the logistics. A few phone calls later ... Everything arranged and I'm heading to the hospital with my dear friend to meet her baby! I may not have blood sisters but to be a part of a beautiful sisterhood of friends was amazing ... 2 sisters to watch my kids, 1 sister to go with me to care for Levi so I could still nurse him, 1 sister bringing dinner to my family, 1 sister to encourage and support me as a labor support, a room full of sisters to help bring sweet baby into the world and one amazing sister who was the center of this beautiful sisterhood. It was a joy, an honor and a wonderful reminder of how truly beautiful God created us as women.

Big or Small, He is There

I am in awe this morning how God cares for His people .... Last night Levi had fallen asleep in the living room.  I was getting in the bath but last minute decided to feed him before I did.  While I was nursing him, the lamp right next to him started smoking, I called for Chris and he ran the lamp outside before it caught fire.  The other day I had told a friend I would pick up her kids from school today but with Levi sick, I really didn't want to take him out. She messaged me that her hubby is going to be home in time to get their kids.  Today my mom was taking Tess to Disneyland, Chris just happen to stop by her house before they left and noticed her tire was completely coming apart and would have blown out ... my Tess would have been in that car.  And just now I was getting ready to make dessert for our small group tonight.  A small thing but something I enjoy doing.  I realized I forgot one ingredient.  Again, Levi is sick, really don't want to take him out.  I got a message from one of our small group friends asking if she could bring dessert tonight.  God is in all this, big or small, He cares for His people.  Are you looking for God in your daily life?  He is there ... preparing our way and caring for the details.

Sometimes It's Just Not About Me

Still learning this lesson .... The other night we had some friends over. We'd put all the kids in bed so we could just be available for our guests. About 15 minutes into our time .... Levi starts crying. I'm thinking to myself "seriously God, I really need the kids to sleep so I can focus on our guests." Levi continued to cry so I excused myself and took care of Levi. A few days later our guest shared with me how helpful it was for her to see that I struggled with my kids not always doing what I wanted them to do and that I calmly just took care of my baby's needs instead of complaining about it (apparently I hid my irritation well)
Then the other day I had a friend stop by unexpectedly ... My house was messy, I desperately needed a shower and the kids were still in jammies. For a moment it crossed my mind to "not be available" but we welcomed our friends in. That friend shared that she was so relieved to see I had days that looked like hers.
God sometimes needs for us to not "look so perfect" to help others feel normal. None of us have it all together. None of us our doing this thing we call mothering perfectly. So, I encourage You to let others see your imperfection, to be honest in your humanness (is that a word) and to live barefoot .... It's actually quite liberating and it might just make someone else feel a little more normal.

Connected ... or not

When I started writing this blog I promised to be "barefoot" .... open, honest and real.  So, before I can be barefoot with you, I have two things to say ... one ~ I whole heartily believe that we always need to be careful how we talk about our spouse and who we share that intimate relationship with ... two ~ I've shared this post with my hubby and he supports me sharing this ... so, here we go!
It seems like everything in life comes and goes in seasons, some are better than others but all are necessary.  Chris and I have really had a good marriage.  No major ups and no major downs.  We seem to be traveling through life's journey well together.  There are times that we really connect and enjoy each other and there are times that we just can't seem to connect.  We seem to be in that season right now.  I feel like we are just passing each other and can't quite find our groove together,  We aren't fighting .... we aren't playing .... were kind of just existing.  We seem to visit this season every so often and to be honest I really hate it.  Every time we go into this mode I start to think about how to get out quickly and how to fix it.  The problem  is my idea of "fixing it" is to tell Chris what I need him to do differently ... ya, you know that goes over well.  As I was realizing we are in this time again, I decided to pray about it a bit before I talked to Chris.  I also realized that he probably hadn't even noticed we were not connecting, he would probably think everything was fine .... I don't like fine, I want and need to be connected!  So, as I'm praying I felt God calling me to just sit back and pray.  Okay God ... I'm praying and I'm holding my tongue but in the mean time I'm feeling super lonely.  I just had a baby with this man, I need to connect to him.  "I need" .... man, I say that a lot.  So whats the purpose of this season ....

Chris and I are going through a marriage bible study right now and one of the things we've talked about is the idea of our marriages not being about us or our spouse but are a way to make us holy for God.  We are to learn and grow and stretch.  Our marriage is a beautiful gift from God but if we get everything from our marriage, where is our need for God?  I'm learning that in our time of not fully connecting to each other, it is a time for me to reconnect with God.  To remind me that as much as I want and need to be connected to Chris and will do whatever it takes to get us back to that place quickly ... God feels the same way about me.  He wants to connect with me in that intimate loving way. 
My prayer is that Chris and I can find our groove again soon but in the mean time I will rest in the safety and security of just having him and I will use this as a reminder that my Creator desires that connection with me.  I know this is not unique to our marriage .... I pray in your times of life not grooving as you desire that you see that opportunity to look at your marriage as a place to make you holy for God.  That you look to Him through your marriage and be open to grow and learn ... and to connect deeper with your Creator.

He Provides

I have been in awe lately how God provides.  In the past .... I know this will be hard to believe ... but I was a worrier!  I'm sure there are a few of you who can relate.  I'd have a crazy busy day coming up and as that day got closer, I'd feel my blood pressure rising.  I'd think and rethink of what I'd need to do, how it would work out and all the what if's.  This is something that drove me crazy and I finely decided to give it over to God.  I was sick of worrying.  Really, its not like I'm a brain surgeon .... if something didn't get done ... oh, well, no one dies!  Have you realized what an amazing God we serve ..... He cares about those crazy busy days. He can work out all the details.... we just have to let Him.  It makes me almost laugh as I sit back now and watch Him work.  I spent to many years trying to do it myself.  It is so freeing to let go and Let Him provide for me!

Beauty From The Couch

It is truly an odd occurrence to sit on your couch and do nothing ... literally only getting up to use the bathroom.  I have to admit there are times in my normal existence the thought of that sounds fabulous but I can tell you with all honesty ... not so fabulous!  Although its hard to just sit around, I am amazed at the things I can do from one spot .... like read and read and read to my kids .... write notes of love and encouragement .... observe my kids from "the outside" and learn more about them .... learn sympathy and even empathy for those who have less mobility than I do for whatever reason .... and let others serve and bless me.  Its a hard thing especially for women to let others serve them.  We are taught to not be needy, to give to others, to not be lazy .... but God also wants us to be taken care of and loved by those around us.  It has been such a gift to really sit back and enjoy seeing others get to serve and be helpful. Especially in my children ... to watch them feel needed and important in this time.  They have learned so much by seeing the importance of mommy resting to keep our baby healthy ... learned sympathy in seeing mommy uncomfortable or being left behind when everyone gets to go somewhere ... they have learned team work .... they have learned hospitality .. and so so much more!  God has beauty to give us in every situation .... we just need to be open to seeing it!

2am

2am has become a funny hour for me ... with my last 2 babies, my labors began with my water breaking at 2am ...  for some reason, every night I wake up at 2am waiting for my water to break and breath a sigh of relief when it doesn't! Tomorrow I am 34 weeks, only 2 more weeks and these contractions will be welcomed with no anticipation.  Its funny how the same feeling can have two totally different emotions.  Contractions now are not welcome and I do everything I can to stop them.  In just a short time, I will gladly open myself to these amazing sensations, knowing that my baby is ready to join us in this great life!  Amazing what a few weeks time can mean!