Connected ... or not

When I started writing this blog I promised to be "barefoot" .... open, honest and real.  So, before I can be barefoot with you, I have two things to say ... one ~ I whole heartily believe that we always need to be careful how we talk about our spouse and who we share that intimate relationship with ... two ~ I've shared this post with my hubby and he supports me sharing this ... so, here we go!
It seems like everything in life comes and goes in seasons, some are better than others but all are necessary.  Chris and I have really had a good marriage.  No major ups and no major downs.  We seem to be traveling through life's journey well together.  There are times that we really connect and enjoy each other and there are times that we just can't seem to connect.  We seem to be in that season right now.  I feel like we are just passing each other and can't quite find our groove together,  We aren't fighting .... we aren't playing .... were kind of just existing.  We seem to visit this season every so often and to be honest I really hate it.  Every time we go into this mode I start to think about how to get out quickly and how to fix it.  The problem  is my idea of "fixing it" is to tell Chris what I need him to do differently ... ya, you know that goes over well.  As I was realizing we are in this time again, I decided to pray about it a bit before I talked to Chris.  I also realized that he probably hadn't even noticed we were not connecting, he would probably think everything was fine .... I don't like fine, I want and need to be connected!  So, as I'm praying I felt God calling me to just sit back and pray.  Okay God ... I'm praying and I'm holding my tongue but in the mean time I'm feeling super lonely.  I just had a baby with this man, I need to connect to him.  "I need" .... man, I say that a lot.  So whats the purpose of this season ....

Chris and I are going through a marriage bible study right now and one of the things we've talked about is the idea of our marriages not being about us or our spouse but are a way to make us holy for God.  We are to learn and grow and stretch.  Our marriage is a beautiful gift from God but if we get everything from our marriage, where is our need for God?  I'm learning that in our time of not fully connecting to each other, it is a time for me to reconnect with God.  To remind me that as much as I want and need to be connected to Chris and will do whatever it takes to get us back to that place quickly ... God feels the same way about me.  He wants to connect with me in that intimate loving way. 
My prayer is that Chris and I can find our groove again soon but in the mean time I will rest in the safety and security of just having him and I will use this as a reminder that my Creator desires that connection with me.  I know this is not unique to our marriage .... I pray in your times of life not grooving as you desire that you see that opportunity to look at your marriage as a place to make you holy for God.  That you look to Him through your marriage and be open to grow and learn ... and to connect deeper with your Creator.

He Provides

I have been in awe lately how God provides.  In the past .... I know this will be hard to believe ... but I was a worrier!  I'm sure there are a few of you who can relate.  I'd have a crazy busy day coming up and as that day got closer, I'd feel my blood pressure rising.  I'd think and rethink of what I'd need to do, how it would work out and all the what if's.  This is something that drove me crazy and I finely decided to give it over to God.  I was sick of worrying.  Really, its not like I'm a brain surgeon .... if something didn't get done ... oh, well, no one dies!  Have you realized what an amazing God we serve ..... He cares about those crazy busy days. He can work out all the details.... we just have to let Him.  It makes me almost laugh as I sit back now and watch Him work.  I spent to many years trying to do it myself.  It is so freeing to let go and Let Him provide for me!