Connected ... or not

When I started writing this blog I promised to be "barefoot" .... open, honest and real.  So, before I can be barefoot with you, I have two things to say ... one ~ I whole heartily believe that we always need to be careful how we talk about our spouse and who we share that intimate relationship with ... two ~ I've shared this post with my hubby and he supports me sharing this ... so, here we go!
It seems like everything in life comes and goes in seasons, some are better than others but all are necessary.  Chris and I have really had a good marriage.  No major ups and no major downs.  We seem to be traveling through life's journey well together.  There are times that we really connect and enjoy each other and there are times that we just can't seem to connect.  We seem to be in that season right now.  I feel like we are just passing each other and can't quite find our groove together,  We aren't fighting .... we aren't playing .... were kind of just existing.  We seem to visit this season every so often and to be honest I really hate it.  Every time we go into this mode I start to think about how to get out quickly and how to fix it.  The problem  is my idea of "fixing it" is to tell Chris what I need him to do differently ... ya, you know that goes over well.  As I was realizing we are in this time again, I decided to pray about it a bit before I talked to Chris.  I also realized that he probably hadn't even noticed we were not connecting, he would probably think everything was fine .... I don't like fine, I want and need to be connected!  So, as I'm praying I felt God calling me to just sit back and pray.  Okay God ... I'm praying and I'm holding my tongue but in the mean time I'm feeling super lonely.  I just had a baby with this man, I need to connect to him.  "I need" .... man, I say that a lot.  So whats the purpose of this season ....

Chris and I are going through a marriage bible study right now and one of the things we've talked about is the idea of our marriages not being about us or our spouse but are a way to make us holy for God.  We are to learn and grow and stretch.  Our marriage is a beautiful gift from God but if we get everything from our marriage, where is our need for God?  I'm learning that in our time of not fully connecting to each other, it is a time for me to reconnect with God.  To remind me that as much as I want and need to be connected to Chris and will do whatever it takes to get us back to that place quickly ... God feels the same way about me.  He wants to connect with me in that intimate loving way. 
My prayer is that Chris and I can find our groove again soon but in the mean time I will rest in the safety and security of just having him and I will use this as a reminder that my Creator desires that connection with me.  I know this is not unique to our marriage .... I pray in your times of life not grooving as you desire that you see that opportunity to look at your marriage as a place to make you holy for God.  That you look to Him through your marriage and be open to grow and learn ... and to connect deeper with your Creator.

He Provides

I have been in awe lately how God provides.  In the past .... I know this will be hard to believe ... but I was a worrier!  I'm sure there are a few of you who can relate.  I'd have a crazy busy day coming up and as that day got closer, I'd feel my blood pressure rising.  I'd think and rethink of what I'd need to do, how it would work out and all the what if's.  This is something that drove me crazy and I finely decided to give it over to God.  I was sick of worrying.  Really, its not like I'm a brain surgeon .... if something didn't get done ... oh, well, no one dies!  Have you realized what an amazing God we serve ..... He cares about those crazy busy days. He can work out all the details.... we just have to let Him.  It makes me almost laugh as I sit back now and watch Him work.  I spent to many years trying to do it myself.  It is so freeing to let go and Let Him provide for me!

Beauty From The Couch

It is truly an odd occurrence to sit on your couch and do nothing ... literally only getting up to use the bathroom.  I have to admit there are times in my normal existence the thought of that sounds fabulous but I can tell you with all honesty ... not so fabulous!  Although its hard to just sit around, I am amazed at the things I can do from one spot .... like read and read and read to my kids .... write notes of love and encouragement .... observe my kids from "the outside" and learn more about them .... learn sympathy and even empathy for those who have less mobility than I do for whatever reason .... and let others serve and bless me.  Its a hard thing especially for women to let others serve them.  We are taught to not be needy, to give to others, to not be lazy .... but God also wants us to be taken care of and loved by those around us.  It has been such a gift to really sit back and enjoy seeing others get to serve and be helpful. Especially in my children ... to watch them feel needed and important in this time.  They have learned so much by seeing the importance of mommy resting to keep our baby healthy ... learned sympathy in seeing mommy uncomfortable or being left behind when everyone gets to go somewhere ... they have learned team work .... they have learned hospitality .. and so so much more!  God has beauty to give us in every situation .... we just need to be open to seeing it!

2am

2am has become a funny hour for me ... with my last 2 babies, my labors began with my water breaking at 2am ...  for some reason, every night I wake up at 2am waiting for my water to break and breath a sigh of relief when it doesn't! Tomorrow I am 34 weeks, only 2 more weeks and these contractions will be welcomed with no anticipation.  Its funny how the same feeling can have two totally different emotions.  Contractions now are not welcome and I do everything I can to stop them.  In just a short time, I will gladly open myself to these amazing sensations, knowing that my baby is ready to join us in this great life!  Amazing what a few weeks time can mean!

It Never Fails ...

It never Fails ... Chris and Parker left on Wednesday for a guys camping trip to the High Sierras and although I love that they get to take these trips ... I was less than thrilled about the timing of this one.  So, off they went and then it happened .... as it usually does .... morning sickness returned, contractions picked up, Tess and West have a meltdown every 2 minutes (not adjusting well to daddy and bubby gone), water is pouring from under my kitchen sink, there's a dead mouse on the patio, a minor car accident and a phone call to the police to our house one night!  Really, my very quiet calm life ... except when Chris leaves! 
It always seem to happen this way ... when I "need" Chris most, he seems to be out of town.  Every time this happens I start to get settled into my pity party and then the best thing happens ... as it always does .... there is this other "guy" in my life that quietly makes himself known.  He gives me rest, he gives me peace and he gives me the strength I need to handle all these things that my great husband would usually handle.  This "guy" is always here, he never goes on vacation, he never leaves me  .... He is my strength, He is my Courage, He is my peace and He is he best "guy" you could ever need!  It sometimes takes these times when Chris is away for me to remember that God is always walking with me.  I need Him and He is always faithful.
We struggled through the weekend because I am human and flawed but because of His strength, we made it through.  I am so thankful for the reminder that He carries me through and I am also so thankful that He has blessed me with a tangible form of His love in Chris and that he will be returning home tonight!

Are You Having Fun?

The other day I was browsing through facebook and I noticed something that made me a little jealous ... I know not an attractive feature ...  It seems to me that I have quite a few friends who are doing a lot of really fun things with their spouses/boyfriends and families but then I realized something that made me sad.  All these posts were from people that were in a new relationship, leaving another behind.  Sure they are doing fun stuff ... they are still courting.  So, why do we stop courting?  Yes, reality of life sets in ... jobs, kids, responsibilities ... but I'm wondering if some of these new relationships would still be in their old relationships if they didn't stop having fun together.  Of course the type of fun you have with your spouse changes with seasons but are you still having fun together?  are you letting lame excuses stop your fun?  If I can take anything from my moment of jealousy ... it is this ... I want to keep having fun with this husband because he's a keeper and I don't want a new one.   It takes effort and in my opinion ... it takes having fun together!

here's my disclaimer ... I know there are many complicated reasons for divorce.  I am just attempting to remind myself and others that we need to work to protect our marriages ... I am very aware it takes more than fun for a marriage to last!

The Beauty of My Body

Now five pregnancies in and I have realized that this is just what my body does  ..... early contractions!  My first few pregnancies I was said to have an "irritable uterus" ... I have learned though that I actually have a very in tune uterus.  I previously felt weak and fragile but not anymore.  My body is so amazingly made by the Ultimate Creator who made my body to work in beautiful ways.  About five months into each pregnancy my body gives me great signs that I need to slow down and rest.  Also about five months along my body starts to prepare to bring this beautiful little being into this world.  I feel so blessed that God created my body to work in such an intricate way.  Sometimes these contractions can be very tiring and even overwhelming and during one pregnancy those contractions brought our baby to us five weeks early.  I am full aware that I need to listen to my body and take the rest it needs.  I am also full aware that another baby may come early but I even more aware of God's amazing design in my beautiful body.  He made me strong and powerful and I cherish this time that I get to care for this little bean inside me.

Sleep Baby Sleep

My dear Weston has not been the best nap time sleeper .... He has taken just 2 one hour naps now for quite some time but I can tell he needs more sleep.  I thought I'd done all the tricks but he wasn't sleeping more than an hour each nap.  While on vacation something dawned on me ... yes, he's my 4th ... Weston was taking 2-3 hour naps .. oh, yay baby!  and he was happy when he woke up! WooHoo!  So, whats the difference?  He was physically challenged on vacation ... swimming, climbing, running, playing like crazy!  At home, West is content to play with cars, look through books, build blocks and just hang out but ... the big problem ... he's a boy.  Boys need to use their little bodies in big ways so they can rest well!  He has all this stored up energy and although his mind was ready to sleep, his body wouldn't let him!  I remember this now with Parker at this age, duh!  Now that were done with school I can focus more energy to tiring out Weston but even just 10 minutes on the trampoline a little before nap time and he's sleeping great!  Hopefully my "new" discovery will last ... we'll see!

He Knew

Today my very dear friend was so kind to take my big kids to the beach for a few hours.   I stayed home relaxing with the little ones and went to the grocery store, a normal mommy day .... no major worries.  But then the phone call came .... Parker was ok but he had been pulled out in a rip tide and got pulled into the rocks.  His legs are pretty cut up ... some soreness in his chest ... and a bit skaken but he was ok.  I think I respond like most moms in an emergency ... I handle the original trama with ease but after .... oh, yah, the tears flow!  After the phone call, I layed the little ones down and had a good cry .... how different that phone call could have been.  While I was grocery shopping, not really even thinking about Parker, he had faced a great trial. 
As a mom, I know that I am not the only one that feels like I carry the burden of the world for my children.  I must protect them .... should I have sent him ..... how do I prepare them for the world but not expose them to too much?  Today was a beautiful reminder that I am one very tiny piece of the safety of my children.  While I grocery shopped, the Ultimate Protector, the One who loves Parker more than I can ever imagine held him for me.  I was clueless to what was going on but God knew ... He knew and His plan for today was to keep Parker safe.  I liked His plan this time.  I know that I may not always like His plan in the future but Parker is His, just like my other children, and He is good and faithful and I trust that He will walk with us and even carry us when needed.  For today ... He knew my Parker needed Him and He was there even when I wasn't.

Taking What I Need

You know whats even better than having the flu? ... having the flu pregnant! ... even better ... all your family having it at the same time ... oh, joy!  Ya, a tough few days in the DeWitt home last week.  So, the good thing with everyone having it at the same time is that its over, no dragging this thing out!  The bad thing ...mama never got to rest!  Everyone else slept and rested but mama did what mamas do and just kept things going .... cleaning up barf, doing laundry, rocking babies, cleaning up barf ... you know how it goes! 
But ... here lies the problem, life now is ready to move on because everyone (except mama) is rested and feels better.  So, what is a mama to do ... move on with the family, of course .... until one day (yesterday in particular) this mama hit a wall.  Oh how pretty it was ... a little yelling, a little crying and finally leaving to go to my parents empty apartment to sleep.  Now it would have been nice if my dear husband could have seen the warning signs and sent me away a little earlier but I was apparently playing the part just fine.  It could have been a prettier scene for me to get some rest but it wasn't.  The important thing .. I saw my limits (behind me) and said thats enough ... this mama is taking what she needs and I went and slept for three hours.  I probably would have slept longer but I got hungry!
So, my advice to you ... listen to your needs ... don't wait for someone else to meet them!  Communicate before you melt down and take care of yourself too!
By the way ... life's looking brighter today ... amazing what good sleep can do for ya!

To Be His Mom

It is a great joy and a great responsibility to mother a boy!  When I first had Parker, someone told me that I held the special privilege to be his first crush ... and I completely soaked in that joy!  Now ten years later .... our relationship is changing, still beautiful but changing.  I still get to experience that special love a mom and her son share ... I still get to cuddle in the morning ... I still get to answer his million questions ... I'm still the one he wants to love away his injuries and comfort him when he's sick ... but I see some things changing too. 
As I shared before .... my boy is becoming a pre-man (don't tell him I said that)  So, what does that mean for our relationship.  I've noticed him and I butting heads more often ...  I've noticed him trying his will more often with me than his dad ... I've noticed him arguing just for the sake of arguing with me.  Chris and I have been praying and talking a LOT on how to embrace but guide Parker through this change.  I've tried to look at Parker and my relationship in regards to the relationship he will one day have with his wife.  How is my son preparing to be a husband through our relationship?  I am his first crush which also means I am his first opportunity to learn to relate to, to respect and to lead a woman.  God is very clear that He created woman to be a helper to her husband.  Now, of course, Parker is not ready for the responsibility of having "a helper" since God has much more to say for the responsibility of a man to a woman ... but what it does mean is that Parker's innate response is not to submit to me, a woman,  but try his own way...  How many did I loose in that statement ... hang with me here ...  God did call men to protect, to lead, to provide, to love like Christ loved the church.  So, in my daily living with my pre-man ... my position with Parker is changing.  He needs to follow the rules in the home because by doing so, He is helping to make peace and order for his mom and siblings.  He needs to help with what I ask because that shows me love.  He needs to be respectful to me.  He needs to love me with his actions .... but he does not need to submit to me.  He needs opportunity to lead, he needs opportunity to try out his independence, he needs a little space to plant his roots.  There is a wonderful way to help him into the position of being a strong Christian man that will lead and provide for his family ... that will love his wife like Christ loved the church.  I have the huge responsibility to either help him into that role and preserve our relationship or I can hinder him in his growth and forever damage our relationship and the one he will one day have with his wife.

Some practical ways we are making this work in our home ...

Accountability ~ Although I make the daily schedule, school schedule and chore list, Parker is responsible to get his things done on his own.  Chris checks in by calling at lunch and following up after work to be sure Parker is on track.  Consequences for not accomplishing responsibilities have been set between Chris and Parker.  Chris has also set up a system for me to handle negative attitudes with out taking too much effort from me (remember #5 on the way).  If I feel like Parker is being disrespectful or any other negative attitude, he gets an "x" on the board, 5 "x's" and he goes to his room until his dad and him can talk ... very rarely to we get more than 3 "x's" now with this system, Parker is now catching himself before I can respond

"Man Time" ~  Chris and Parker take monthly "man trips" to strengthen their relationship, to discuss how things are going at home and to keep communication open for the "big stuff"

"Mom Dates" ~  Parker and I have regular dates - just fun, no corrections, a mom and her son hanging out, an opportunity for Parker to be "the man"

Share your thoughts .... any ideas to share of what you are doing to prepare your "pre-man"?  Anything I said not sitting right with you?

Reclaiming My Life!

Today is the day ..... I'm getting my happy life back!  I'm so done feeling stuck in this funk.  I'm feeling better physically (most of the time) but for some reason the funk is not quite lifting ... so today I am actively making it go away.  I have been praying a ton and just asking God to help me pull out and I really feel His strength.  So here's my plan ....
~ getting dressed before I leave my bedroom
~ morning worship music on Pandora , my favorite is "Praise and Worship Radio"
~ a quick morning walk just around the block a few times with the little ones in the stroller

So, here it goes, say a little prayer for me ... and if your in a funk too ... join me and make your own little plan ... easy steps and lots of prayer!  God is sooooo good, let Him lead you!

something nice to say ...

you know the saying  ... "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" ... I haven't posted much or blogged for a while ... everytime I go to blog, I just don't have anything nice or meaningful to say.  In an effort of being barefoot ... I have to be honest ... I'm in a funk!

Oh, how I want to shake this funk!  I still feel cruddy which is making me not enjoy this pregnancy.  Many of you know how I love to be pregnant and it just breaks my heart to not enjoy it.  My kids are so annoying me and then I feel crappy about being annoyed.  My poor husband just can't seem to do enough and I just want to sleep.  So, what to do?  I'm praying as much as feel like it, honestly.  My prayers are more like "God, give me a freakin break" than anything else.  I so desire to soften my heart because I know God has got me cradled in His care and that He knows how I feel and He's not upset with me for prayers.  I also know He wants me to submit to Him and let Him take care of me.  I keep praying to feel better so I can be the wife, mom and friend I so desire to be.  I know there are lessons learned even in this time for my family but honestly ... I don't want lessons right now, I just want to feel better!

I've learned along my journey that I don't need to feel guilty for these feelings.  I'm full aware of the gift this pregnancy is and I also know I could be much worse off but for today in my little barefoot world ... I'm pregnant, feeling crappy and in a funk!  ..... and I just smiled, then started crying after admitting that ... thanks for letting me share, my dear barefoot Friends!

A Blessing Meal

Wow .... you'd think my body would be used to this getting pregnant thing but apparently it didn't get the memo that I NEED TO FEEL GOOD!  I can't believe how this pregnancy has knocked me off my feet.  Of course, so so grateful but come on ... everyone has a breaking point!  So, all that said (sorry had to vent a moment!) ..... my dear Friend came to my rescue tonight with a wonderful meal!  Now, the obvious blessing of not needing to put any energy of deciding what to make, preparing and cooking it and then the oh so fun part of cleaning up .. all avoided!  but the real Blessing .....

loved .... nurtured .... grateful .... special .... a few of the blessings my Friend gave me and my family tonight by going out that extra step to bring us a meal.  There is something so filling (in more ways than one, pun intended) about someone preparing you a meal.  Food is such a comfort and such a very big part of how we feel about things or remember things ...

of course it was all that better to have the meal since I wasn't feeling well but wouldn't it be so fun to have a friend bring you a meal just because ... just to give you a day off!  Wouldn't it be so great if we did that for our friends!?!  Its something I'd like to try ... in a month or so maybe!  Its so easy to just double your planned meal and drop it by to a friend just to say "I love you" .... "I think your great" .... "I think your special"

Something I've Learned Along the Way

Something I love to do is to create special get-togethers with beautiful decorations, fun favors and yummy food!  I even enjoy the planning process to make it all happen.  My very special Friend celebrated her birthday this past week and so I wanted to host a luncheon for a few friends to celebrate her.  The invitations had been sent ... I had the tablescape all planned ... the meal planned ...  and even an idea for cute little favors for the girls.  My heart was full in planning this day to make my dear friend and our others friends feel special ..... but my pregnant 24/7 morning sick tummy didn't think it was such a great idea.  As I realized I just wasn't going to be able to pull off the party, I considered cancelling.  I was so bummed but then I reconsidered ... the luncheon doesn't have to be what I had planned ... so I replanned our lunch.  Chris went to the store and bought pre-cooked chicken,  bagged salad, and boxed macaroni 'n cheese.  We enjoyed a lovely lunch of Chinese Chicken Salad and the kids enjoyed mac'n cheese.  The conversation was lovely and we all left with "cups" full of love from our friends.  Although I love the fun of making things "beautiful" and special .... some seasons just don't allow it. 

We have some friends that bought a house with the intentions to fix it up.  They so enjoyed having friends over but wanted to wait until the house was fixed up.  Of course they house became a much bigger project and they were really missing having friends over.  They decided it didn't matter what the house looked like but how their friends felt when they came over.  I think it was refreshing for others to come over and see they didn't have it all together.  These friends are living barefoot (I'm so proud)

So, what are you not doing because you can't do it "perfect" or the way you want things.  Or on the other side, what are you doing in your life because its the "right way" or what others expect from you but its killing you in the process?
My luncheon wasn't the beautiful spread I had hoped for but it was lovely and the fellowship was amazing and instead of  being over the top exhausted after, I took a small nap and enjoyed the rest of the day with my family!

Who is this kid?

So a month ago I sent my sweet boy off on an adventure with my parents to Idaho.  Its so hard to let him go and miss an entire month of his life.  Last night I very anxiously awaited his return ..... the strangest thing happened though..... my parents pulled in the driveway and out emerged this "pre-man".  I embraced him and it felt a little awkward.  Who is this kid?  I had missed an entire month of him.  I realized something so incredible had happened that month.  Parker had an opportunity to be the "man" we are teaching him to be.  Of course he was with my parents but they really try to allow him to be "grown-up" when he is with them.  He pays for his own things, he is responsible for all his things, including his schooling, he is responsible for the consequences of his choices.... Parker decided to buy a bunch of candy and eat it in one sitting ..... oh, consequences of a horrible stomach ache.  It dawned on me of what a gift this was. I anticipated the blessings of him getting to go be in the forest and getting away from the chaos of Southern California.  I anticipated the blessing for him having an adventure but I didn't think about the blessing of him getting to go out and try "being a man".  He made some mistakes and we had some great conversations about those mistakes.  He was in some situations that were new and we had great conversations about those.  It was beautiful to see that all our efforts in teaching and guiding him are bringing desired results.  We are raising a great "little man".  I so look forward to the continued conversations that will result from this adventure. It is so fun watching him strive towards independence.  I am so thankful for this time for him to practice being a man in a safe environment.  I am so so so thankful that my "preman" is home!

To Be His Bride

I was laying in bed this morning thinking about what I would blog today and I thought my first and most important place in my home is my husbands wife. As I was thinking about this, I realized something .... oops ... my husband is cuddling up to me and I'm thinking about blogging about the blessing of being a wife! So, I let my thoughts go, enjoyed my husband and now I'm back!

So, think about the kind of wife you are? Would you want to come home at the end of the day to you? Would you want to hang with you? Are you fun? Are you critcal? Are you taking care of yourself? Our place as a wife, as his wife, is the most precious and beautiful "role" we have. God created us to be his helper. Do you even know what that means. In Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Thats you ... his helper! I think that is so exciting! God has a divine purpose for my husband and I get to help him in that journey. The ways I can help him are endless! I get to help organize and run his house. I get to be his confidant. I get to be his playmate. I get to be cheering squad. I get to be his romance. Are you being the wife you want to be? Are you being playful? Are you encouraging? Do you have a positive attitude? Do you choose to see his effforts?

I'm telling you from experience if you are holding your place as his wife with great value and honor .... your life with be full and joyfull! It is a gift to be his wife!

Some practical ideas ...

~ Date- every monday night is date night for Chris and I - all kids are in bed by 8pm, I take a bath to switch from mama to wife and we have a date at home ( my confession - our date night right now consists of watching The Bachelor, I know, but we enjoy our time together so its good)

~ Sex - yes, I said it! Wives, your husband needs sex. Enjoy it, embrace it, and have fun! I know its hard with little ones but with 4 kids in a small house, we manage plenty of time together.

~ Focus on the good - watch for the little things he's trying to do for you. Don't just dismiss his efforts. Focus on the things he does do, not the things he doesn't. If he tries to kiss you while your doing dishes, pause and enjoy his kiss. If he gives the kids a bath but leaves the towels on the floor, thank him for giving the kids a bath and then pick up that towel quietly. Focus on the good!

~ Pray - Do you consistantly pray for your beloved. Think about the pressure that is on your husband every day. The world tells him everyday that he is not enough, that he will fail in someway, that his wife is actually the one that leads his house. He is faced with temptation and sin every where he turns. Pray for Him my Friends! PRAY consistantly!!!!

So, lets talk! Tell me things you do to be the wife you desire and he deserves. Tell me where your stumbling. Be honest, be thoughtful and be ..... barefoot! Love to you all!

to live barefoot ...

to chisel away the extras ... to live simple, connected, raw and real ... to live with purpose allowing space to breath ... to be open to God's path ... to be in the moment ... to have real time for others ... to do things that bring me joy ... to absorb every moment with my children ... to slow down for my amazing husband ... to see the beauty God has created for me and in me ...

I believe God has a perfect plan for each of us. I believe everything happens according to His perfect plan and if I allow Him ... He can do mighty things through me. I also believe that I can't mess up His plan. He knows that I will fail sometimes. He knows that I will stumble but He will pick me back up, dust me off, kiss away my tears and set me on my way again. He can make beauty through me because I am human, because I will fail and most importantly because I am willing.

I feel called to live "out loud", to let you in on my journey. I pray that you feel encouraged, challenged and loved through this blog. Some days it will just be the random things that make me happy, other days you'll watch me fail. You'll laugh at my kids and relate to those mommy moments. I hope to bring light to some things that I value and to share some things that I hope will empower you. In all of this , I promise to be .... barefoot!

Only I can let them steel my JOY!

I am always amazed how God continues to teach and mold me as His child.  I feel overall that I am very comfortable in my skin.  I don't feel I need to justify myself to the world.  I know I do somethings different but I also know that I am not radical.  I know the only ones I am accountable to is my Creator and my husband..... but for some reason I have let others steal my joy.  Something incredible has happened in my life but I have not felt like sharing my little gift with others.  I don't want others opinions and I don't want anyones insensitivity to change this experience for me.  So, I haven't shared my  little secret with many ... until now!  I am 8 weeks pregnant and I am thrilled.  Yes, I just had a miscarriage, my 8th.  Yes, I already have 4 kids.  Yes, I live in a small house.  and Yes, I am living the life that God has called me too and I am so blessed by Him because of it!  As some feel this way of life is odd, I beg to differ.  I believe that we as a society, and even a Christian society,  have gotten so far from how God intended for us to live.  God has called me to live "out loud" and that means that I will share my voice, my experiences, my failures, my successes, my losses and most importantly my JOY!  So, today I share my JOY .... I am pregnant and no matter how long I get to carry this baby, I am blessed because God chose me and I will celebrate and look to tomorrow with JOY.